What if I just used .org?

Wouldn’t it be neat if I could just pick a theme, pay for the premium features, and go?

Wouldn’t I find that less troublesome than spinning up a Digital Ocean instance and configuring everything?

Wouldn’t I prefer all the benefits of hosted WordPress like comments and stats and hosting and so on?

Maybe. If I can find a theme I don’t hate. WordPress theme designers need to calm the fuck down, IMO.